i'm pretty sure the devil's penis is california-shaped
we better have passed that bar exam - i dont want to have to drink like this again
We dont have to go to dinner or anything gay like that. I just wanna do it.
I absolutely love you.
I've been watching too much manswers. Cuz i know scissoring doesn't work on a motorcycle.
He came out in cowboy boots and underpants holding a beer while he hugged my mom. I love Montana.
He stole the megaphone off an ATM then we drove around so he could tell people not to jaywalk.
dude, apparently i tried to force feed my grandma bananas last night.
I just had a vision of confetti exploding out of someone's vagina to the sound of air horns... I think that would be welcoming.
I like the way you think.
The Angel on my shoulder is now resorting to merely reminding me that, "You will regret this later." I'm not sure if he's learning how I think or just giving up. Either way, should make life a bit more interesting.
How am I so hungover that wearing sunglasses hurts my head?
You shouldn't do laundry high cus pink.
His exact words were "Can I meet your vagina?" I kept wondering if he was going to try to shake hands with it...
I told my parents how nice the girl at the frogurt store was. I neglected to mention that I nearly lost my virginity to her via foursome.
I'm disappointed in the internet. It's two days and there's still no fanfiction based off that Manning/Beckham commercial.
You don't even like football
If this adventure is going to get us arrested it'll have to wait until Wednesday so that I can bail myself out.
Randomize
