please tell me if i'm home and in my bed
negative
come find me please
I'm wearing an NBA shooting sleeve while jerking off...and yes my arm has stayed warm
the weed was in a baggy that had little penguins on it. i am so excited you have no idea
That bad?
Full length cargo pants, running shoes, and a partial unibrow. Alcohol really is blinding.
hey remember that 14 year old i met 5 years ago who i said i would bang 5 years from then?
Yup.
OMG. if college stays like this, theres no way i wont be pregnant by first semester
How do you have time to get laid so much in law school?
I like to set goals for myself. for example, he was my first libertarian
I don't know, But i remember him licking ecstasy off my boobs and my boyfriend cheering him on
Thanks for coming to the hospital with me, In return, I will buy you ecstasy.
This is the Santa Claus of hangovers. It just keeps giving.
Having a heartfelt conversation with your boyfriends mom while sexting her son. If that's not multitasking, I don't know what is.
Yeah, we agreed, but I feel like I need at least one more ride on the bonecoaster
30-degree weather + Metal Cockring Monday = really hard to pee.
I should've known a straight guy wouldn't know all the words to Moana
eating a weed cupcake with nutella on top at work. i AM a star!
Randomize
