the next pure michigan commercial i see, i am going to pee in a fucking lake
I've been awake for 20+ hrs. What does that mean? I just realized if BSB were Twilight characters, Brian would be Jake and Howie would be Edward based on the video for "Everybody". That's unsettling.
It's unsettling that you took the time to think about that.
dude sorry but u no that when a guys 'likes' ur pic on facebook it only means he was just jacking off to it.
we thought you were sober enough for a movie but you took one look at emily blunt and screamed "aw this bitch?!" and passed out 30 seconds later
does drinking everclear count as brushing your teeth? because i think they are sterilized
this is something i pride myself on being below average for
Why was I handcuffed to the roof?
It was easier then trying to explain why you couldn't fly
he ate me out like he was chugging a beer.
Jesus told me in my dream not to go to the party. I am athiest for tonight PARTY ON
I think I just got propositioned for sex by the lady behind the counter at dunkin donuts
Her one night stand followed us to mass. This is too funny for real life.
The guys in the quick check just recognized me as the girl who bought rolling papers and whipped cream. This is the walk of shame on crack.
He wants to buy me a wedding ring and pretend to be married to someone else when we fuck. It actually makes me wet thinking about it.
ugh, my whole family is going ape shit over my sister's pregnancy blog. I dont get it? Anyone can get knocked up! I had rebound sex with a new york ranger last night, now that is something to fucking blog about.
Sorry for not calling you back. I got drunk and passed out on the kitchen floor. I just found my phone in the shower.
Randomize
