:( I'm sorry!!!
sexual favors sorry?
absolutely not
This is a mass text. Does anyone know where I am?
Yeah, but I'm out of licorice and there's no way anywhere near here will rent us all mopeds on a Tuesday night.
everything was going good until you started showing off the pictures of poop you took with your phone
i really should have bought real food rather than condoms, olives, coleslaw and beer...
At least our walk of shames never included a bag of chips and a jar of queso..
Oh btw I took the eighth out of the plastic wrap so I could use it to wrap my red pepper. This can be seen as either pathetic or resourceful.
we found you in the kitchen at five am trying to make a vodka omelette. you said you didn't want to live in a world where your two favourite things couldn't be together.
I just took my birth control with Redi-Whip. I'm that girl.
If you're wondering why you have playpen balls it's because we stopped at chuckie cheese on the way home.
It's going to be so weird waking up tomorrow morning fully rested completely sober and not covered in piss or bruises.
We decided to keep having sex while I ordered the pizza. I wanted extra pepperoooooooooooooni.
I just singed the hair in my nose trying to re-light a joint. now all i can smell is burnt hair. day ruiner
I feel like my liver should be on crutches right now
It took me years of patience and pilates and yoga and flirting to land that penis. So yeah, I’m going to ride it into the sunset and live orgasmically ever after
Randomize
