my vagina is like the nba. its where amazing happens.
you don't seem to understand just how much pasta i spilled on my bed last night.
I had one margarita and got the worst headache of my life... its like my liver has senior week ptsd
I now beleive the Trojan Ecstasy ad "feels like nothing's there". They forgot to add "...cause the condom broke."
If there was a game called "keeping your legs shut," I would lose every time.
It's whatever. I just want to see his dick again
Its like I've been given a sexual blank check.
can we take a moment to remember my theory on 'your tongue is a snake that lives in your mouth' because we reached a whole new level of high
I'm hiding in the bathroom at the library but there are children here I just want to drunk cry in peace
I want my tombstone to read "making poor life decisions since 1993"
We fucked for 9 months, but he didn't want anything serious. So, I got rid of him and went on a date with a guy last night that looks like Kylo Ren. Who's really winning here?
I think the pizza guy was in shock..
Well I didn't mean to answer the door only in socks but I mean come on, 4 hours of sex works up an appetite! I WAS RAVENOUS
It’s just hard to believe you really care about me when u haven’t touched my dick in 2 months
the fact that I can still put my shoes on is a testament to the fact that I can outdrink these bros
Best night if my life? Time I got eaten out in the backseat of a M5 while eating White Castle. Then he fucked me. Perfect
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