thats the last time I fuck a piece of fruit on camera for him.
Spaghetti and Car Bombs, good idea or what will end up on the bar in a few minutes?
I just found out me and my parents buy from the same drug dealer.
you should get a family discount.
all I know is he gave me a Cialis and tried to take me home.
Chick in class has 69 tattooed on the back of her neck. Target acquired.
We're gonna have screwdrivers in a cab at 4am?
Is that weird?
Ive been thinking this might sound random.. But we need a piano in our house next year specifically for railing chicks on it.
I just ate 6 cheeseburgers with some homeless guy. Pretty epic.
I was about to share my drunken story from the weekend, but two friends getting married and one finding out she's pregnant makes Saturday in jail look a little suspect.
Your anal douche was on bathroom counter. Now it's in dumpster. Not ok. I am mad. Very mad.
He was like, I wanna take it slow. I took off my bra And I was like, either we have sex now or you get out.
Seriously, I really just burned my nipple making ravioli.. I'd explain, but no reasoning makes this acceptable:/
you went over there?
His drunk texts were grammatically perfect. At least our kids will be smart.
there's a giant awkward home-wrecking elephant in the room. and its name is meg.
when i woke up w mysterious sticky crap in my hair, i assumed i had another blackout hookup. nope. turns out i made PBJ and proceeded to pass out in it. i ate the evidence when i woke up.
Randomize
