It was at that point the crowd that gathered realized i wasn't getting arrested, and passed the sobriety tests. I got a standing ovation from 25 strangers
We decided to smoke and then made crosses on our foreheads for ash wednesday
mom would be proud
i don't know how the hand towel got involved, but i peed all over it
the australian girl literally just drank an entire pitcher of beer in about twenty seconds. i want to go to there.
I cant prove it..but im almost positive that you were just outside my window watching me while eating out of a bag of Cheetos...
he's measuring my pool to see how much jello powder he needs. He got paid today.
Morning yack off the fire escape. Girl walking by was mortified. Gooooooooo Ducks!!
I want to be you.
I'm so hungover I literally am considering drinking from the fishtank to avoid getting out of bed.
I didn't know he had a girlfriend until after we had sex when he said, "Man I really gotta stop cheating on my girlfriend."
So he's compensating for a really small penis. Either that or he's a drug lord.
I'm shoveling snow with a camel-pack full of beer in a blizzard. I love snow days as an adult!!!
He's way too stoned. I took him to el bra and he's laying on the table, not sure what to do with him
I lost a shoe at the club last night, I think that's when I decided to go home.
I come home to my brother mixing skittles and vodka. We're all proud of him.
He literally asked permission to hit on me
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