I just watched Juno. I kind of wish I was in highschool and pregnant
I woke up this morning under my fitted sheet and my legs through the sleeves of my sweater.
I don't know what I could have possibly done in a past life to deserve watching my boyfriend projectile vomit margaritas and probs blood while completely naked.
I just farted for five sidewalk sections! New personal best.
I haven't even gone in yet. I'm sitting in the waiting room playing a game i like to call "Who else is here for AA".
i have learned 4:30 is too early to start pregamming for the midnight harry potter
It's the only time I've ever felt manly shitting myself
Not only does DQ have s'mores shakes, sonic has a hot dog in a pretzel bun, and Wendy's has a burger in a pretzel bun. Important things are happening.
I wound up gambling on giant connect four with the bartender. I think he saw my boobs.
So I'll bring my machete and we can smoke your shit.
Out of context, that is a hilariously scary message.
We need to talk about your improper dealings with the town drug dealer.
I can't decide if I'm depressed or if this is just what life without a bidet feels like.
Just in case you blacked out, we had sex, you came in me, we need plan B, we fell off your top bunk, broke your roommates chair, i still like you, but i'm in pain and am going to bed
Pornhub is actually a very wholesome website
Talk shit all you want but with my new knife sharpener I have a lethal razor sharp pizza cutter. Fuck with me Mario I dare you!
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