R you on birth control?
No, why?
...no reason
Although, to be fair, I am both willing and going to lick marshmallow fluff off of your dick.
He told me that if his bed could talk, it'd write a medical journal. Guess it's too late to worry about that now.
When I blacked in, I was crying to my father at the swim-up bar that "I was going to win an Oscar." how do you THINK Mexico was?
told our landlord the hole in the wall was from your head during drunk sex..
how did he take it?
not as well as i would have thought
I'm trying to pinpoint the moment when "don't do anything I wouldn't do" became bad advise.
Your CAR. Is in a LAKE. I'd say "a big mess" is a pretty conservative description of the situation.
All I know is that I woke up with my pajamas on inside out in front of a bowl of watered down kd. Sitting up. I didn't even make it to bed.
i feel like when you brought up the possibility of you getting pregnant the sexting is over
Let's go. I'm waiting for my time to shine among the stars of never never land. Make sure you bring my Peter Pan costume this time. Shit's bout to get real glittery.
I serenaded the cat in the hat for a few 90s songs but idk who he is
Gary just stuck his dick in his Guinness. I can't even make this up
Her name was Danica but I felt like it would be hard to say drunk so I called her Shelby
Nothing cures your heart after a boy calling you unattractive than a big fat dick
She dropped the call after she told me she doesn't want to hear about how loud he can scream.
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