I thought it couldn't get worse until she said "Nipple hair"
How do I tell my mom that she just went to the gym with my water bottle filled with vodka...
She was blowing me when her roommate came in and goes "you want me to tap in?"
You realize once your inheritance is finalized this shit will stop happening right?
I'm drawing the line at your vagina. I will not accompany you to get that pierced and/or tattooed. There's got to be some mystery to our relationship.
Slutty summer 2013 has officially started. I did accidentally bite a dick though.
I'm back in the dating scene now... Since the legality issue calmed down. And my stalking charges were dropped.
I think your dad took our porno
I'm more worried that you thought licking a pole on Bourbon street would turn me on
Also, I'm kinda hungover this morning and I need to wire money to my lawyer. So this is what adulthood feels like
Painting strippers breast and vaginas to look like easter eggs. What r u doing tonight.
They don't have a Valentines Day card for the married guy I'm sleeping with. It can't use the words, love, soulmate, you're the only one for me...and obviously it can't be anything related to spending the day together because that's not happening.
I don't need tinder boy anymore but I do need free sushi
I fucked a marine... I told him it was like personal revenge and he said he could live with that and that he didn't mind being used.
and then she sorta stared at me like "holy shit" and I looked down and my dog was licking her ass
Ruff night.
There is a sex dungeon behind the wine cellar. This is why I hate showing foreclosures.
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