I just called a phone sex line and you know what I did? I sat there and cried
Just shaved my legs with toilet water in a walgreens bathroom. I am so classy.
you puked out of a dead sleep and didnt wake up
I am literally too baked to press the call button. How am I supposed to bone him?
Before I dignify that with an answer, let me get this straight. You're asking me if I wiped my ass on the towels?
I sang Jenna happy bday in the middle of throw up hurls
I feel like strippers are like dogs, the more you show you're terrified the faster they come at you.
I just woke up tangled in fishing line while wearing someone else's bathing suit with fishes drawn all over me. What kind of sex did we have?
You're wrong. It's my BIRTHDAY. We all know it's impossible to get pregnant on my diva day!
He's balder, I'm skinnier. I win. I. Win.
Homeboy just asked me to strip for him. He should not be this horny and allowed to be in Vegas with his kid.
I came so hard my entire leg seized. Her blowjob gave me a Charlie horse.
Also I will be receiving my own bra in the mail because I left it at his place, woops
i may have just googled 'is philly rioting right now'
I just saw a chick driving drinking a juice box smoking all while on the phone that is talent
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