We just had the worst moment of our late twenties.... We just realized we are too old for the real world
Just witnessed a fat girl fall off the treadmill, pop a medicine ball, and drink coke out of a water bottle all in one workout.
We smoked a joint and talked about his parent's divorce. It was like being fifteen all over again.
I kept grabbing at Stephanie's boobs because I thought the leopard spots on her dress were popcorn.
Excuse me by sucking dick i am fighting crime. Just think of all the prostitues going out of business and getting real jobs.
I guess I tried to show you how big my closet was and we ended up eating pickles in my bathroom
By the way, thank you for feeding me fries when I was sitting on the floor.
That was an excessively violent trivia night
Apparently he proposed after he saw me chug vodka out of a traffic cone.
You're either a hooker or Beyonce. Beyonce is abnormally good at doing everything in heels
The only thing stopping me from having sex with you in my parents jacuzzi bathtub is the knowledge that they've already had that idea themselves
How are you feeling this morning?
Well, I just found day old puke in my bra, so I've been better.
I fully support your bad decision but I do not approve of your unironic use of the word yolo
If I call him daddy should I get him a father's day card? Serious question
sending my old camp counselor nudes. childhood memory win or new low?
Randomize
