I want the hot one, scratch that. anyone.
We had two amazing nights in a row...it was so weird...I couldn't even go to sleep cause I thought maybe it was just in his plot to kill me.
it's like there's an entire ecosystem in your vagina.
No vaginas are yucky and I don't think you're old enough to handle one yet
I just found out that AAA will pick you up if you're drunk for free if you're a member. How did I not know about this?
So high. I just took a picture of my chewed gum so I can remember to paint a picture of it as a cloud later.
thank god my boss can't smell the tequila on my breathe over the phone.
Think of where it's been though. That Dr. Suess book, "Oh the Places You'll go" was written for his penis.
The novelty of Nekkid Straight Roommate has faded.
I've come to the conclusion that Jesus and 2013 are haters.
If I got paid for every bad decision I've made I would be one rich bitch by now
I ate so much cake that I can't even enjoy a blowjob
That's the most first world problem I've ever heard in my life.
im about to bake her parents a "thank you for making such beautiful babies, ive had sex with all 5 of them" cake
I fuckin love you!
I would reciprocate the feeling if i knew who this was.
aloe plants are like gummy bears with an exoskeleton, but with healing powers instead of deliciousness.
are you on the drugs???
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