god, a vagina is an amazing trump card
Hes far too high and trying to explain daylight savings time to me. Help?
we lost you for like an hour and then found you at some dive bar trying to teach dance lessons
"Whiskey Cheerios" was a terribly great idea.
Just sponge bathed with a swissper. Thrush inevitable. Shaking.
Europe's "the final countdown" was playing. It was pretty much amnesty for anything that might happen the rest of the night. It's a rule.
I wanted to be mature but the vodka was resilient.
Either I'm still drunk or the right side of the bed is now the left side.
Note to self: do not ride giant beanbag chair down stairs.
Escorted out of jimmy johns because I refused to leave with my dog. Stole a loaf of bread on the way out.
The plane down was full of newly weds and I counted 5 pairs of mile high club members. Actually, one might have been a group membership discount.
im about to bake her parents a "thank you for making such beautiful babies, ive had sex with all 5 of them" cake
You are not allowed to sing ever again, my ears are still ringing.
First non virgin Sunday. Bursts into flames.
Hey Girl, we got home safe!
I know, I drove you
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