You should ask if we are margaritasing tomorrow. and yes i did just turn that into a verb
yeah come on over we're just pre gaming for the grocery store
you just kept bragging about how there was a "pretty large" chance that you had pooped on the same toilet as George Clooney
He tried to make an olympic torch by lighting a corona box on top of a pool cleaner.
Theres a 75% chance I'm wearing a hocky mask and nothing else right now
Ps I am
i introduced myself to everyone by my new name, thundergooch. i threatened the neighbors with a hammer when they used my real name. needless to say, sailor jerry was not kind to me.
Yeah i'd say someone being in the room while you're doing someone makes them eligible for fb friendship
It takes a special kind of man to fart REALLY loudly right before entering a woman and still get some. This has been a state of bootytown address.
Either that or he's gagged in a strangers trunk right now.
Well I suppose either way he's learning a pretty tough lesson right now.
He literally said I should watch game of thrones while I was blowing him like is this the conversation you want to be having right now
At least you didn't get an invite in the mail to your fuck buddy's baby shower like I just did. My life is a sitcom
I am now picking what guy I will hang out with based on how many Pokémon they live near.
After an orgasm, I always feel the urge to sing A Whole New World from the move Aladdin and I'm not quite sure why.
At 3:00am my whole house started smelling like cooking meat. I have no idea why she thought it was a good idea to crock-pot a WHOLE turkey that early in the morning.
Dude there's ten thousand dollars worth of damage to the kids house and three thousand in stolen property and his dog is missing he is pissed
If I give him back his dog do you think he'll invite me to the next party
Randomize
