I woke up in a stranger's bathtub with a broken shower curtain as my blanket.
i saved all my weight watcher points for this alcohol
i just fell asleep at my computer and i woke up and in the google bar it said delicious foods to eat
you made wolf sounds and yelled "team me" the entire movie
Just used the D.E.N.N.I.S system successfully.
he fucked me to the beat of the construction going on outside my house. i will never look at jackhammers the same ever again.
Yeah I said my new jacket was waterproof, not puke through your nose proof.
History professor is at the bar. Hurry! There's only so many A's he could give before it starts to look bad.
White people are beatboxing! Save me.
Today's goal is to get out of bed, before I take a shit. This might be hard
Pass or fail tho
Next think I knew I was pretty much using his penis as a microphone... No more playing Eminem during hookups
Of course I fucked him. He was wearing a rainbow cock sock and cowboy boots.
IF YOU DIE ON LSD YOU DIE FOR REAL
Fuck my life he IS a stripper, Ive been sleeping with a stripper named Phoenix. damnit, I knew the sex was too good
Umm my dog ate your vibrator. Sorry 😬
Randomize
