I hate it when you make eye contact with someone bcs you are about to make fun of them and they take it as a hint to come hit on you.
FYI, if you pee in my bed (or even let R___ and E___ sleep in it), I will fart loudly during your wedding vows. Trust.
i have my own cum on my nose right now. don't talk to me about "embarrassed".
After walking in on us in the living room, he still insisted that he slept in my bed with me afterwards.
Uggh answer your phone, you are the only one I know who'll be proud of what I woke up next to this morning .
We decided to leave the bar after we shattered a glassand then drive to steal a baby pool for our water festivities tomorrow
Amazing. Super drunk. We stole a street sign in a golf cart and went around jousting trash cans all night.
two questions - what stuff of mine was pawned and who has the pawn tickets.
I just had nipple jewelry returned to me in the law library.
The cop left me alone after I gave her my spare snow cone. It was a hot and humid day and that uniform looked stuffy. Yay stoner me for overindulging in icy treats.
Yes. That was the exact moment of my conscience clicking into instant high alert.
i need to un-sleep with a few of those brothers before we ever go back to that house again. i'm serious. i will not be a fraternity groupie.
For a man with no legs he was surprisingly good at doggy style.
I don't know whether to high-five you or stage an intervention.
I wonder how drunk we can get before Christmas Caroling turns into trespassing.
I may or may not have been feeling patriotic and banged Captain America in a closet. SPOILER ALERT: We broke his shield
Randomize
