return my video game
Uhh me and Jacque peed on the street outside the bar last night and wiped with flowers. I vaguely remember her repeating the word "fresh" over and over.
Friend I haven't seen in almost a year just IMed me to let me know that my mom stuck her boob out the window on the freeway at her.
Her mom responded by mooning my mother. I really don't know what's worse.
So, when he came he screamed MORTAL KOMBAT!!!! at the top of his lungs and all of his roomates yelled back FINISH HER!!!!.....yeah kinda akward
I froze in his sixty one degree room but i came so hard. Like fucking the eskimo god.
They'd unbutton the overalls with their lesbian-tongues. It wouldn't even be a problem.
It's the first day of summer. It's not a race it's a marathon. Pace yourself
I standby a snuggie being perfectly acceptable attire for drunkenly walking your dog at 5am. Our new neighbors did not seem to agree.
You were captain morganning on the laundry hamper and when I walked in you slingshotted a thong at me and started peeing. This all came back to me when I picked up some jeans to wear and they smelled like piss.
Did he think I was flirting with him when I ordered a hot dog bc no
Well shove his head down there and tell him not to stop til we have a new president!
Let's just say it was like a porno version of Aladdin....
Pretty sure we ruined a bachelorettes life last night
Pretty sure I got pink eye from the strip club. There is also still beer cans rattling around in my shower.
I walked in the kitchen and heard her saying "We could have been so good together" as she caressed an egg with her cheek.
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