this coming from the guy that still thinks "pulling out" is a good form of birth control? just walk away
If she didn't want me to pass out in her bathroom, then she shouldn't have such a furry rug in there
if i get the "i'm engaged" text one more time, i'm going to shoot myself in the face so my cats won't eat it when i die alone.
Beach body diet is off. Pizza hut worked its way back onto my google chrome top 8
We need to talk about our relationship.
I just won a bet involving 10 tequila shots. You've got about 3 minutes
He was like a Bill Nye the science guy of sex....he was telling me things about my clitoris that I didn't even know
Tell your boss that he's keeping you from eating a fuck sundae off of these 36-24-36 34 D's waiting for you at home on Valentine's Day.
Idgaf if he's a manwhore, he's like the mt. everest of penises. howcan I NOT try to put that inside me?
I mean it's my life so what if i want to drink Molson from my sparkly shoes and not regret anything
I have bruises all over from falling so much last night, I even have bruises on my arms from them picking me up off the street.. Oh vodka nights.
I should know better than to open your texts at the grocery store
In the middle of pounding my asshole he stopped and said, "do you want to get breakfast after this?"
In case I die. I'm in ares truck with a bartender named Dave from chuys. JUST IN CASE. And let the people know my last words were suck my dick. My like literally.
Can we get pizza? This is seriously not a booty call. I just really want someone to get pizza with me.
Like sometimes I’ll be hangry but for dick
Randomize
