I just won't go as hard tonight. Four dollar ladies night drink or drown is not a good idea for me. I like to get my money's worth.
He's the kind you'd bring home and you'd wake up and all your food would be half eaten on the kitchen floor and all your socks would be missing.
I mean how do you tell a nurse in the ER that you dislocated your knee giving a blowjob to your boyfriend.
Very innocently.
Trust me at the end of the night there will be queso smothered places you didn't think it could be smothered
He has pizza coupons and a hammer next to his toilet.
I can HEAR him staring at your boobs.
Someone want to explain the bottle of ranch I found in my pants
I hope it's the birth control, otherwise I'm dying
I am praying to every god I can that he drank so much that he won't even remember me
I'm trying to behave my vagina this week so I can at least pretend I'm honoring the sanctity of marriage
i was really depressed when i left the health dept this morning after i had to write a higher number next to "partners" than "age"
Getting on a bus with a beer pong table. I am proof we can make this campus fun.
I am real keen for none of this to be taken out of context so let’s just shut it down right now
She asked me if I could do that to her every single time. I said nope. sometimes it's better.
OMG also, I'm sorry I tased you a lil
Randomize
