Well the candle wax mightve been sexy if he didn't drop the candle and light half my bed on fire
Girls gone wild is like the hills, except sexy and it doesnt suck
She knew it was going down when I had her search for "condoms" in my iPhone Maps.
i had to take my roommates dildo out of her suitcase so I could use it
the suitcase or the dildo?
You missed a lot. I drank contact solution thinking it was water, vodka thinking it was water and some unidentified substance that reminded me of pine sol thinking it was water..
it is entirely possible that the police will be knocking on the door in 25 minutes
I knew it was on when he was dancing on stage and I gave him a dollar so in return he ripped my tit out of my shirt and started sucking on it IN THE MIDDLE OF THE BAR.
If you're wearing dry underwear your day is already better than mine.
Can we please get on skype for like 20 seconds so i can show you my penis and the spiderman temporary tattoo that is right above it
You wanna know how bad I feel? I couldn't get out of bed to get the remote, so I just downloaded the comcast app on my phone so I could change the channels
I might stash a bottle of vodka in your mailbox, that way if I wanna leave early I can drink in your frontyard till you get back.
i may or may not have triedto pee like a boy and then dipped cheese ino the olive oil
I feel better now, I have multiple fuck buddies again
I still blew him because I won't let allergies keep me from doing what I want. But I almost suffocated like 10 times.
Hey the moment you step into my house, find me IMMEDIATELY so we can pinky promise on not roping anyone at the party into yet another threesome
Randomize
