ADVERTISEMENT

• (716): View more from New York

  So random guy from last night came over tonight. I told myself I wasn't going to sleep with him but he had some killer dirty talk and a big penis in his arsenal...what was I supposed to do? Supposedly he lost his virginity to his wife and since their divorce a year ago I'm the 1st girl he's slept with, I feel like I just re-took his virginity...I feel like a rockstar.

  Fav 64 7108 937

  share tweet
  

• (310): View more from California

  The more I sober up, the more sick I am/realize how weird dancing around a wine bottle was

  Fav 3 2631 859

  share tweet
  
ADVERTISEMENT

• (281): View more from Texas

  So we fuck and I say, "I'm about to go." He tells me, "No, leave at ten.. just lay here for a little while." When I ask, "Why?!" He gets his feelings hurt and says, "ugh. or don't." Since when did guys start acting like girls?

  Fav 133 1403 6564

  share tweet
  

• (315): View more from New York

  You were partners with her mom and you began calling her "the Robert Horry of beer pong" You also kept telling her that she was hotter than her daughter.

  Fav 26 4639 1137

  share tweet
  

• (760): View more from California

  she went to pee and i could hear her singing "Drip Drip Drop LIttle April Showers" from Bambi through the door.

  Fav 24 2062 4416

  share tweet
  

• (570): View more from Pennsylvania

  so apparently we got drunk enough at the reception to rip the center pieces apart and use the flower vases as "fancy glasses"

  Fav 13 4953 1312

  share tweet
  
ADVERTISEMENT

• (419): View more from Ohio

  I wish i had more things to dip in ranch... That's the most stoner thing i've ever said

  Fav 21 5005 1498

  share tweet
  

• (507): View more from Minnesota

  Just drove through Taco Johns wearing a drug rug and no pants. When I rolled down my window, the girl paused for a minute before saying "um... 4.07"

  Fav 12 2867 1361

  share tweet
  

• (509): View more from Washington

  Just spent 15 minutes trying to save the life of a fruit fly that dive-bombed my coffee. I figured it doesn't make sense to let two souls die in this place...

  Fav 6 1591 1030

  share tweet
  

• (515): View more from Iowa

  officially christened the dorm room by sucking my spilled drink off the floor. tastes like homee

  Fav 3 852 1799

  share tweet
  

• (843): View more from South Carolina

  I have cobwebs on my vagina for halloween. And bats fly out when I open my legs.

  Fav 11 1418 2272

  share tweet
  
ADVERTISEMENT

• (613): View more from Ontario

  You put on some guys Birkenstocks that were abandoned on the dance floor overtop of your flats. Then ran out of the bar high gives the bouncer and said "look at my new kicks" then he was like woah wait a minute someone is missing those and made you return them. You were very upset

  Fav 1 471 551

  share tweet
  

• (530): View more from California

  Just bought a dildo. Happy first time single in four years Valentine's Day to me

  Fav 5 649 451

  share tweet
  

• (903): View more from Texas

  Really need a jack off emoji

  (903): View more from Texas

  Who do we write to about that?

  Fav 2 63 11

  share tweet
  
ADVERTISEMENT

• (507): View more from Minnesota

  Hey do you or anyone you know want to get drunk for free? At 4pm tonight at rctc for field sobriety training for future cops

  Fav 0 70 11

  share tweet
  

Randomize