you can't spend the night you always smell like dirty underwear and my roommates complain
FYI-Owning a kitty significantly lowers your chances of ever seeing mine...
Apparently i was the first person to introduce her to her clitoris. Needless to say...they hit it off great
I found out what happened to that girls weave last night. It was draped over a bush in my backyard.
Sometimes I seriously wonder if I could get away with vodka Sundays at work. Cuz this red bull feels naked.
He tried to eat me out in the bath... I said it was a bad idea, but he said it was good snorkelling practice for vaca.
I still don't know why you took that job... it sounds miserable
not having any beer money sounds even more miserable
It's like even though I'm not in college anymore my body still knows it's September and is putting itself into competitive binge drinking mode.
The only thing that made me get out of bed this morning was knowing that tonight, I don't plan on remembering what happened today
This reunion sucks. All the confident hot girls from high school are still confident and hot, and none of the fat girls with low self esteem transformed into hot girls with low self esteem.
The girl that works the front desk at my gym invited me and my friend to come see her Tuesday during her shift at hooters because its her birthday. I still have a boner
At one point, the bartender wrote out the words "please kill me" on some receipt paper and slid it across the bar to me.
I don't think he liked your vagina hand signal
When I get off work and you're not around to hang out with all I do is lay around in my underwear and eat potatoes.
I woke up with glitter and eggshells in my bed wtf
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