All drunkenness aside, confirm u are alive
you just broke rule number 1. If you can't lift her up don't date her
I am about to be in my happy place. (the shower with a 6 pack)
I just saw a girl licking a cheeseburger wrapper. dont ever let me get that fat
I got a handjob to the OC theme song. It was like going back in time 7 years.
I just feel like a little gay dolphin in a massive sea
can't blv i tried using a "backpack" as a unit of measurement...i drank a lot of beer last night
This number has temporarily been disconnected and will be restored to service once you get rid of you girlfriend.
It was one of those nights where you get back from the bar and end up staying up till 3AM beating off to facebook photos of girls from college
BURNT NIPPLES ARE UNHAPPY NIPPLES.
My walk of shame was 2 miles of feathers flying off of me, underwear in hand, and a homeless man telling me he'd pray for me. It was gold medal worthy.
She needs to go. She is like the Yoko Ono of our group.
Got too starbucks. 3out of the 4 girls working i have ducked and haven't ever called. My coffee has dick written on it. It may contain spit by pumpkin lattes are only once a year
Told my fifteen year old cousin's friend what to sext his girlfriend last night. He was scarred for life but she fucking loved it.
Ugh I feel like I just got hit by a big giant sex bus.
Randomize
