I don't llike drinking between sober and blackout. Its boring.
After they won there was a guy outside Magee Hospital yelling "name your kid Sidney"... that guy may or may not have been me.
bro...we were banging on her floor and her dog walked in and started licking my balls
Being at this bar with grandma is a real cockblocker
Remember the girl passed out in front of my fireplace?
I dont know about you but I'm not getting out of bed this summer for anything but food or sex
Denis dont give a fuck, Denis drinks out of straws. Denis disregards the fire station & bought 18 fire hoses so he can fight it himself if the farmhouse is on fire.
Actually it's really just going to be me drunk in your living room swinging from a pole on a tuesday morning.
WHO JUST REMOVED THAT SAME BOARD IN TWO MINUTES FLAT WITH NO INJURIES, SHOES, SOCKS, OR BRA?! THIS BITCH. CRACKIN A BEER FOR DA SHOWA. BITCHES AIN'T SHIT MOTHAFUCKA
I think I ripped my underwear last night doing drunk squats
Ugh. The fucking vaginal recession is so real right now.
I've finally given up enough on finals week to wear the same shirt three days in a row, because I didn't take my hoodie off for the first two.
I know you've been in hospital with meningitis, but last night I walked into a streetlight and bruised my penis so who's really suffering here
Stop recording sex noises and setting them as my ringtones. This time it was at a funeral
Do plants get herpes?
who is this
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