I almost took home a boy from the bar last night, till i realized he was not speaking drunk, he was from another country and didnt know english. that could have been an awkward morning.
dollar beers will do that to you.
For once I'm glad there wasn't morning sex. Yes, that sore from the night before.
I don't remember him, but he's saved in my phone as "uh oh zbt"
I guess I tried to show you how big my closet was and we ended up eating pickles in my bathroom
There is a newly found video on my phone of me following you to the bathroom to watch you throw up. sorry I didn't hold your hair
I just dropped off shoes at Mike's hotel. The chick he hooked up with last night stole his phone and shoes.
He asked me where I wanted it. I told him in the condom. He stops mid thrust and says "you're no fun" and then blew. Chivalry is semi dead.
Chick in class has 69 tattooed on the back of her neck. Target acquired.
Thank you contacting dial-a-boner. Currently, our boner is on a run to service another client. You can either wait 2 hours for service, or share concurrent service with the current client.
I still feel like a bad person. A shoulder to cry on became a dick to suck.
You're dick is like the main character. It needs its own picture.
I'm on the same pooping schedule as a professor I've never had. He now says what's up to me in the hallway
He asked me if I've ever had my ass ate and there was no polite way to say yeah your brother's pretty in to that 😂 I went with "no"
My sack is cleanly shaven and the rest of my body has been manscaped. i even put aftershave on my junk. i feel sleek like a fighter jet right now.
Drunk in my hotel room, eating taco bell, and crying at Nicki Minaj's life story.
This is why I keep you in my life.
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