Did Neil Armstrong say the moon was too far away! NO! He built himself a fucking rocketship is what he did!
I dont know why I dont listen to you more often. He wont stop texting me. And his signature is "dancing with no panties on"
I wonder if she has a lisp when she orgasms...
So it turns out there are pros and cons to having a broken wrist. Pro: I can give amazing blowjobs with my left hand. Con: I just had to open a packet of crisps with scissors.
All I'm saying is that whoever owned the wheelchair clearly didn't need it or they wouldn't have been able to leave it there
You can come over, sure. But I'll be watching college hockey during the blow job.
Experimentation with dessert toppings followed by shower sex. Only logical progression bro.
will barter weed for kareoke machine...
Shame tastes like burnetts and latex
i fell into a bathtub last night and broke the fall with my forehead. my forehead is bruised
You kidnapped her dog. I don't care that you and the dog are epic bros, that's just not cool. Return him.
Is there a single word to describe 'the last guy she slept with before meeting her husband'? Cause there should be.
Can't tell if it's the drugs or science magic, but I *THINK* that mouse just turned into a squirrel.
I've got 3 hot dudes surrounding me. It's the Bermudick Triangle.
Dude, I just masturbated with my cat sleeping on my boobs....
You have GOT to get this crazy cat lady thing under control. I'm finding you a man. And you'll take him, and thank me. After that text, you have no right to be picky.
Randomize
