R and i have drinken 4 bottles od red wine. By ourselfs
I'm in the mood to be taken advantage of ;-)
apparently people get pissed when you take the bag of wine out of the franzia box and put it in your purse before leaving the party
Dude apparently i ran into the middle of a half marathon last night and some how won
the trail of clothing leading from the bed to the door was in the exact order i needed to put them on. underwear near the bed shoes by the door.
Yea idk it was like early in the morning and you were walking around with no shoes carrying a printer
I'm blaming hurricane Irene if I get pregnant tonight.
Fucking finally I'm about to die from sobriety over here
That white girl was surprised to see orange pubes around my black cock. Happy Halloween!
You haven't lived until you've watched a retriever try to bring back the condom you just threw in its master's garbage
Build a thousand brigdes, lick one butthole. What am I remembered for? Buttholelicking.
Basically I will actually need a reindeer pulled sleigh to make it to all the penises in one night.
Just bumped into my ex. Blowing a dude in the ladies' room at Disney World. I guess it really was her not me.
Life achievement unlocked: I just ate a Slim Jim "Lady and the Tramp" style with a guy in a bar.
Wine. Check.\nDino chicken nuggets. Check.\n#IssaParty
Randomize
