you jizzed all over me and yelled "makeover"
the last thing i remember is you screaming lets hunt humans.
Just so you know, coffee creamer+water does not = milk.
Drunk at a girls little league game. Hello summer.
Are you dead or are you taking another 13 hour nap? you need to let me know these things ahead of time so i dont worry.
And she was like "I wanted you all for myself, to love you, and treat you like gold."... See this is why I shouldn't fuck Italian chicks...
She was touching herself and looking a shoes online. My debt is bad enough without bringing that hot mess into my life.
Just went trick or treating in my kitchen. Found chocolate and scotch. Happy fucking Halloween
I'm covered in European cum. How's your day going?
Yes ma'am.Im also looking at my collection of penis pictures in my email playing "who;s penis is that"?
Getting your clit pierced is not something you want to trust to a crazy girl with an ice cube, some vodka, and a sewing needle. Trust me. I learned that the hard way.
She had like a side ponytail and hoop earrings though. And legwarmers. Like a horrible 80s nightmare. Don't drink and dream, dude.
just so you know.. snorkeling hungover: great decision. I was throwing up and he couldn't even tell!
I'm hungry and horny. DEADLY COMBINATION.
i realized my signature handshake has now become a hookup. i love what college has done to me.
Randomize
