Fuck. I have a girl here waiting on me in my room! I told her I was going to get a drink of water... I'm in the bathroom taking a dump... I have mudd butt bad... There's NO toilet paper!!
The dutch village is so much worse hungover. Fuck them and their wooden shoes.
the cashier at riteaid just made the sign of the cross before he rang up my pregnancy test. now i know god is on my side
Five Mah tais Laser and i skill have not drunk dial you
It's like God knew that was my ex's best friend and punished me. I've never vomited that much in my life.
Just because you're using the Hipstamatic app for your nude photo taking, it doesn't make your drunken blowjob pics any classier.
Watching the dude who probably knocked me up be all cute with his girlfriend on my couch. I am too nice, and I hate today.
I came in and she was laying on the ground just stoking it saying "the floor is where our feet step"
He stood me up and then his cat died. I feel like this is Gods way of saying he's on my side, even after the tequila fiasco.
Now the circle is complete. Just interviewed a guy who was a higher up member of the team I worked for in my job before this place
Red flag bro. Her only friends are barflys and a teen with a fake ID
So my mom wants to hear about my weekend. How do I make licking cupcake frosting off your face while high not sound like just that?
Would it be rude to use my vibrator? like he forfeited his right to be mad when he left me orgasmless...right?
Can we go out and get blitzed in celebration that they'll be no more surprise kids
OH MY GOD REMEMBER ALL THAT I LOVE NEW YORK I DVRED BECAUSE I JUST DID
Randomize
