Those balls look pretty dangerous.
i just told my mom tuesday boozeday rhymes so that she can remember not to text or call me on wednesday mornings
youre going to kill that woman one of these days
at a bar and heard one girl tell another her tampon string was showing she goes i dont want it in anymore anyways. then proceeds to pull out her tampon in the middle of the bar and leave it on a plate. ewwww
Santa Claus winked at me two tables over at the Chinese place tonight I was almost afraid he knew "getting laid" was my Christmas wish
Look I'm sorry I shaved your cat, but get over it.
This morning I proved to myself and all the kids on the playground that I can't puke and drive.
Nothing sez sunday morning like waking up in a phonebooth with a leg cramp.
You slammed your face into the toilet and declared you were moving your bed into the bathroom in the morning. Also, you insisted on crawling everywhere because feet are "overrated."
show concern. Mark ate a butterfly and proceeded to drink more shots like nothing happened
He just snapchatted me a picture of his cock. The angle makes it look like a freakin skyscraper. Thinking of photoshopping a little monkey on it.
I mean, who doesn't have an ex involved with bath salts?
It's the eve of Christ's birthday and I'm sending pictures of my tits
It's official: I now only own one pair of jeans that I haven't blown the crotch out of. It might be time to put a stop to red wine Wednesdays.
You mean, in addition to red wine every-fucking-days?
are you still up? I want to use you for sexual things. you have 35 minutes to respond to this offer.
I just got yelled at by a stripper for being a tease.
Randomize
