Texts From Last Night · Random Texts

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Sorry _oOo_oOo_ hasn't picked any favorites yet.

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(614): View more from Ohio

It's 3 am and my parents just came up the driveway in a limo. They didn't leave in a limo. I'm scared to even ask.

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(502): View more from Kentucky

If you're still awake, how rude would it be if I masturbated in her new apartment on moving day? If you're asleep, then ask me how it was.

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(443): View more from Maryland

she just punched a dude and called him a peasant for not drinking fast enough in flip cup.

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(210): View more from Texas

Fuck him for salsa, please. I heard its a good recipe.

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(310): View more from California

A worker across the alley is wearing your sombrero sans cat barf.

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(607): View more from New York

I can hear my parents having sex. I REPEAT. I CAN HEAR MY PARENTS HAVING SEX! THIS IS NOT A DRILL!

(315): View more from New York

Your mom is 55 and has MS. To be honest, I'm proud of her, and you should be too, bitch.

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(248): View more from Michigan

No. I'm drinking straight up vodka right now. With a pineapple in it.

(1248): View more from

That'll put some boobs in that bra.

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(330): View more from Ohio

You can't be mad... I'm letting you jerk off in my parents shower

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(516): View more from New York

should i feel bad about fucking you on my front lawn the day before you set me up with your best friend?

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