I'm surprised I didn't puke tonight
First off: I'm drunk so fuck you. Second: you weren't a bad girlfriend. Tres: thats 3 in spanish. Number 4: fuck 3 Doors Down
I think dad's getting high again. His last google search was "awesome ping pong shit."
How do you wash franks red hot sauce, whip cream, grapejuice and shame out of silk?
I would just throw it away. You cant just wash out shame, it has to soak for like a month.
if you don't let us come over today i'm not taking the second plan b pill. your call.
she asked me if i wanted her to take her wedding ring off while she was giving me a handjob.
when we asked you if you had had anything to drink tonight you looked up from the toilet while cupping the water into your hands and said "this.. just this"
We started playin just the tip, then shit got crazy
it took me 7 solid minutes to realize "egggGSaucetingf" meant "exhausting"
Tried to dry my shoes in the oven last night.
second attempt at shower sex: failed after the water turned orange bc of a fire up the street. this is just not meant to be
I've been at work 30 min broke a paper towel holder a chair set a box on fire and fell down twice. Hungover Brian just reached a new level
I have the overwhelming need to take care of him. Both with my vagina and like emotionally.
What's the best day of the week to potentially find out you're pregnant with your ex's baby?
I don't know where I'm at. But I'm pretty sure what I'm looking at is a small bear.
Randomize
