Last-second stop at the drug store for lube and condoms. Clerk said "So uhmmm...that's a done deal, huh?"
High five!
i was texting myself key events from last night so i could remember this morning. looked at my phone, texted my mother instead. our numbers differ by 1 digit
Then I opened the closet and then i found the babies
just stole 2 cases of forties from some freshman in the woods by pretending to be a cop. that ten dollar spotlight is really turning a profit
I dont know how to say this. But the hottest girl where im at has one arm.
You texted me "Americans are sad" and "chicken coop disaster" without any further explanation.
Two words. Shotgunning Cognac.
This has already gotten way out of hand
I gave her at least chlamydia. Maybe worse. She is also into chicks and loves taking naked pics. It's like the less I believe in Jesus, the more he rewards me.
I'll just put on a bunch of mascara and cry right before I get there. Then everyone will recognize me.
Today wasn't Sunday Funday, it was more like Sunday god is taking a shit on my life day
Here you are just trying to masturbate and I'm talking to you like your an initiate for some secret society.
He's listening to "my heart will go on" by himself in the living and its not even noon. MAKE IT STOP.
Who the fuck gets injured on a merry-go-round? HOW IS IT POSSIBLE??
then you dropped a clam in a draught beer like it was a drop shot and and started chugging as beer spewed all over your body.
I'm not sure what happened last night but my dog has a red cup taped to his back with a little beer and a ping pong ball in it..
We invented a new game.
Randomize
