All my problems are solved. I just got McDonalds and scratch off lottery tickets.
he was dropping me off and i told him i had to go to the bathroom and i leaned into kiss him and he asked how i went to the bathroom with a tampon up there... he was amazed that their was a third hole...and wanted me to show him where it was
His mom took away his car and made him quit his job.
HE'S 26!!!
You know whats sad? As I walk past the campus daycare i cant help think, look at those drunk mistakes
Her mom caught her drunk streaking when she was 12. Of course she's perfect for me.
when she first told me she hooked up with him my initial response was to shout "WE HAVE SOMETHING IN COMMON!"
Also you know what's worse than drunk texting? Drunk leaving soup on your hot neighbor's porch.
She showed me her tits and my first thought was "I want these to feed my future children." I'm scared.
sending him nudies in gran's hospital bathroom. you?
I feel like if tampons weren't meant to be microwaved, they'd have a warning on the box, so we should be okay...
Because bro, I don't want your dick being touched mid conversation.
...take a good look at your butthole.... then try matching it to any paint color on the Benjamin Moore color wheel....not gonna happen...
Babe, Have you see my pants?
Try Jay street in Brooklyn.. that's where I last remember seeing them.
The fact that u had sex with a Disney prince blows my mind, you're my hero.
I woke up in my bed with candy and beer bottles all around me and i dont know where any of it came from. I love valentines day.
Randomize
