i'm going to be honest, my vagina smells.
i just defriended some girl because according to her status she "doesn't give a fuck about shark week."
You put a nerf gun to his head and demanded him to take you to taco bell..
...She then said get into the spirit and started making firecracker noises while having sex
For my job application I just put "community gardener- personal business" for my previous work experience in place of the neighborhood pot grower/distributor
He came, while we were making out fully clothed. I'm going to write a book.
Tipped our cab with a photo booth pic of us, a paper dollar, a dollar in quarters, a crest white strip. And a tanning pass valid in boston
If a vagina could give out awards, you should be preparing an acceptance speech.
Please brint me miilk. I am on the floor but my door is open. Thank you, i appreciate u verry much.
That's not as bad as watching a dumb ass drunk peeing into your window fan -
And I got shut down by a ginger. It was a weird night
How many hotdogs are you going to eat today?
THE LIMIT DOES NOT EXIST.
the fact that you beer bonged rum made me so proud, the fact that you threw up an entire footlong tuna melt after... not so much babe
She thinks I cheated on her 10 years ago in a past life lmao
Went to the party dressed like a Cougar and brought a twenty something dressed as Micheal Phelps home. So far I’m loving being divorced. :-)
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