I decided to name my penis gatorade...is it in you?
theyre doing DJ Khaled impressions again...
I've never seen so many strippers at a funeral...
Just made hot dog dorito pasta. It happened.
I'd just like to give a shout out to jesus and plan b for making this day possible.
The guy I wanted to make out with just got beat up, let's roll.
We were trying to sober you with hotdog buns but you refused put half of it in your bra and said you'd save it for later
Listen, it's not like I meant to bust the window out. It just sort of happened. And I'm also sorry for stealing your dads bandanas.
I can't. I will literally throw up my liver
Why dont you be an ebola patient for halloween? You can totally throw up and itll be part of your costume.
I just threw up blood. Also i just remembered i got hit in the face with a 2 by 4.
I am debating about my sub. I am not quite sure I can be the dom he needs.
She could makes a perfectt roast dinner drunk but she nearly sets the kitchen alight microwaving popcorn.
Ah that wonderful moment when you realise the bookmark you were using in a book you lent your mum is actually a receipt from a strip club
Do drug dealers work on Memorial Day?
Do you remember when I didn't post that pic of you fucking an avocado on your boss' desk? Can you return the favour?
Randomize
