worst lay ever....
as long as you cum, there is no bad sex
ya... thank god for condoms, I was able to fake it... I stand by my original statement
He is passed out on the kitchen floor. He will fight you if you disturb him. Just a warning.
I don't think the car's salesman understands that I am about to vomit on him.
story update. I'm locked out of my house. Walk of shame advisory extended...
I'm drinking sangria out of a sand pail. I'll pass on tonight
Things i learned at work today: do not put mayonaise on a tattoo, it will get infected.
Lesson learned. Kayak oars are not golf clubs....check
I'm pretty sure the guy in front of me at Walmart doesn't have good plans. It's one am he is buying a flash light and black bandanna
Also I played a weird game of chicken in the ladies room at work between myself the person pooping 2 stalls over and a very determined maintenance man.
TSA literally pulled two bottles of whiskey out of my bag. Once he saw the leopard print socks and the mickey mouse tank, he put it back in my bag and said "Have a fun trip, man."
I'll have sex with you for tacos. I don't care, man.
In Texas. Drank way too much wine. Puked in a gallon zip lock bag. Passed out at 445 with the ENTIRE family here. Got up at 745 in time for dinner. I made you proud!!!
I'm trying to find a place to hide weed in my mother in law's house...
Married life problems?
"WHAT IS THIS LESBIAN MADNESS"
I just convinced a telemarketer I live in a tree.
What did he say?
He still asked if I want a home security system.
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