The producers of Marley and Me owe me about $5 million. That's the dollar amount of embarrassment compensation required for making a 24-year-old male cry publicly on an airplane while sitting in the middle seat between a gorgeous babe and a guy with a do-rag
Get condoms and clear your schedule for the night. I'm bringing chinese food!
call me tomorrow and ask me about coke-whore stripper. It hasnt happened yet, but im sure it will be plenty disappointing.
I was just texting to see if your vagina was working yet.
she kept checking the clock when she was giving me head and at midnight she said she had to stop because she cant eat meat on fridays is that bitch serious
How am I a tease?
Dude you flashed me ur vagina and walked away.
ONLY PART OF IT.
Is it bad to go up to the security desk and ask them for the name of the guy I signed in last night? I have absolutley no clue
The lady next to me at the airport just baggage checked a six pack. She is now my hero.
Shit, my parents are coming over and I just realized that a grinder is not an acceptable paperweight
Do you have any pics of the gummy penis incident?
If you hear death cries, thats me singing. Just let me be.
what food is Colorado known for?
Pot brownies.
my drug dealer is also my eyebrow lady. Two birds, one stone.
I don’t know what he is but he sure can suck a lollipop.
Would it be inappropriate to meet you at the airport after your family vacation so I can tell you all about the amazing sex I have been having?
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