At least I can take solace in the fact that with 8 billion some odd people in the world, at least one of them is shitting in their own car right now.
Yo, my girl thinks she's pregnant, so I've got a DD for the wedding. Sweet.
I have had it with that bitchy sack of crazy. Iam done!
Pregaming for shuffle board at 10 AM. I love spring break.
the date was going great.. until he pulled down his pants and asked if there was any hair in between his cheeks.
Mystery solved: The table is broken because I had sex on it last night.
Between the hair pulling and the choking its its more like combat than sex
Sorry I have an "Operation Iraqi Freedom" fantasy
What kind of a birthday party isn't a get drunk and ruin everything party
Just had a shirt made that says "I'm sorry" going to wear it every sat and sun morning for the foreseeable future
My Saturday dick is so much more impressive than my Tuesday dick.
Well right but if we go, he may just disappear for a long time into the unknown with the drag queens.
I think its awesome that i just got you to cheer for sex
Well sex is awesome. Sex deserves cheers.
Apparently I blacked out and started wrestling with some dude last night. Just found out I might have dislocated his shoulder. Best part: he still wants to bone me
Well I passed out before 4:20 on 4/20 so I deem it a failure AND a success.
I'm either a high functioning alcoholic or I'm making the most of the fact that this is the last year that its socially acceptable to be black-out drunk five days a week.
Randomize
