I'm at some bar in brklyn... just made out with a guy named Owen.
He is a pre-school teacher... just sang me a song about weather.
As long as there aren't any pictures of me humping the penguin, we are good,
How long is a courtesy make out supposed to last??
Was I shouting at a fire engine last Friday?
He said his penis was a 1 woman penis with a conscience an I was that woman...technically a declaration of commitment rite?
Saw someone get laid in the bathroom no one was wearing shoes and I had a parrot on my shoulder...I never want to leave this bar
It was honestly like he was directing a porno or something. he kept telling different people to grab other people's boobs, it was all very artistic.
I just wanted to share with you that my life has come to naked arts and crafts, to fix my flask, with a rum and coke in my hand... Good luck on your exam
There's puke on my pillow. I'm still wearing my wedges. And I have a cab drivers number clutched in my fist.
$1 drinks and Playboy theme. I am never leaving this place
You knocked on your freshman year room door, told the kids who opened it "I own you", and attempted to force-feed them everclear.
You rinsed the beer pong ball off in my White Russian
pretty sure I blew his mind with the sex last night. He repaid me with a five minute conversation about power rangers.
He eats ass but won’t hold open doors. My kinda guy.
Chivalry really is dead.
Shit facedness and cuddling are what you have to look forward to this evening.
Randomize
