No she wasnt mad! I told her that I "mis-remembered" nailing her friend.
I met the friendliest cop last night
stop calling my apartment porn island.
I wish I could donate my sober boners to my whiskey dick
Ugh why does it have to be margarita Monday. Why can't it be pants off dance off beer pong but with jager Monday.
I just threw up every bad decision and it hurts
I blacked out for most of the day but apparently I still met with my prof. I made notes...
The site I use to study flash cards keeps showing ads for truck companies hiring drivers. It's like the site is saying "hey, we all know there's no hope for you, just give up and Become a truck driver."
How is there no taco emoji?! That's some bullshit.
He's probably the biggest I've seen outside of the porn I vehemently deny watching and he asks if I think he's too small
why am i naked
you took off your clothes at the party and some guy took them home
Liar. My heart is broken and my boobs are disappointed.
I think I was judged by a squirrel this morning during the walk...
He was shirtless in my yard saying he was jesus
Can you dump a guy for having pierced nipples or is that shallow?
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