drunk at some random house party. come get me. i thought i pulled my dick out to go piss... it was my left nut. im soaked.
At an apparent methhead hillbilly bar and was smiling for a pic when one toothless wonder screamed "look at all them teeth"!
your brother just told me that Guinness is the first book of the Bible...
Just to be safe, you should be prepared to jump out of a second story window
I made a tournament bracket for the girls that Im talking with.
chimney cleaner pole that expands when button is pushed then pull out. Remember that. We have to patent it.
Who are you high with right now?
Yeah well tell that to drunk me. She seems to have no standards or gender preference.
You can wear my underwear. It'll be like old times.
You invited the cop in for a "Celebrity shot"
This is why Helen Keller didn't drink
My g-ma saw your dick-pic and wants you to know I've got a keeper. She says her big whopper died in Korea. Good thing g-pa is still asleep.
I sense lesbianism
That's a weird power
You gotta have 1 orgasm for me and the rest can be for you. I'm living vicariously through you 😂
Drunk sex on a hardwood floor is never ever a good idea. Lesson learned.
So, I just ordered a breathalyzer for this weekend. I figured if I'm getting shitfaced, I should at least be scientific about it.
Randomize
