Dude I can't believe you let me go home with the wildabeast lastnight.
You always hook up with hot girls we had to know you were mortal
i think my mom watched the whole time
just took a cab, driver just asked what i'd been drinking- i said vodka, he said "can't do vodka-drunk, it makes me feel like i'm giving birth to myself" ...no comment
some kid came into the principals office and tried to explain what he was sent there for through interpretive dance.
There's a girl in here wearing a kaballah bracelet and a miley Cyrus tshirt. consider her judged.
Btw, I'm creating an event on fb to celebrate the one yr anniversary since we went to jail.
Would it be inappropriate to rub one out in the gym shower? I mean, technically, I pay $80 a month to do what I want so could they really say anything?
Shower is fine. Steam room is shady. I've probably done both at one point in my life so I can't be used as a good reference.
all I'm saying is if you're gonna fuck a fat chick do it in a pool it's like zero gravity or something
how did you graduate high school
I think I'm going to call this chapter of my life story "Weekday day-drinking in the park isn't just for the homeless!"
I had cheese pancakes which is pretty much just melting cheese in a frying pan and then eating it except youre in denial that your life is a wreck
Wait... why were you finger painting at one in the morning?
Certain restrictions may apply. Common side effects of sex with me include unbridled joy, a healthy glow, soreness and the inability to walk for short to long amounts of time. If any of these side effects occur please consult your physician, so he/she can prescribe me a "high-five".
WHY CANT I FIND JUST A NORMAL DISNEY LOVING MAN TO PAINT WITH ALL THE COLORS OF THE WIND WITH!!
I would like to make it known to all of you that my penis is official retired, but it thanks you for the countless years of service you provided
Where are you guys?
Drunk
Randomize
