My life would be so much easier if i could just ride around in the cash cab all day
Bisexual people are plain selfish.
she made me cover her fishbowl with my shirt because she "didn't want to corrupt it."
watching "look who's talking now." getting choked up at the end when they find each other at the cabin
doesn't that movie star kirstie alley and have talking dogs in it? new low...even for you
First drunken handjob: not successful. Second handjob, mostly sober: much better. Nightly news brought to you by me.
did you by any chance leave me that 7 minute long voicemail of you running and constantly tripping into bushes?
You just begged me to mute the porn and watch her ass bounce while listening to dubstep the whole time.
If you're not peeing in public bi-monthly, you're not really living.
Romantically speaking, I want to sit on his face.
A duck just looked me in the eye whilst I peed in a lake. I feel so dirty.
There was a slutty maid costume on the floor when I woke up, but the house was trashed. Either she's been fired or got promoted, I'm not sure which.
at one point, i told him to buy you a pumpkin spice latte and uggs because you're a common white girl and that's how he should get you in bed
There was a deer right in front of me when I came. Sex in the forest is awesome
Your life has no conflict it's just a blur of sex and Netflix
Why would you trust me with ANYTHING!!!???
Randomize
