Dating my ex's drug dealer.. best. revenge. ever.
So, I just sold my textbook to have money for Plan B.
Just a heads up. Everytime I get arrested in Maine I claim I lost my ID and use your name.
I wish straight boys touched me the way gay boys do.
I woke up with her little sister yelling "she's dead !!" from the bathroom doorway.
She had the hiccups when she was giving me head. It was actually pretty awesome
I face planted right in front of a cop. He looked at me, shook his head, mumbled "freshman" under his breath, helped me up and told us to get home safely. I love college.
This is a test of Andrews drunk texting, had this been an actual drunk text, all the words would be spelled incorrectly and would be missing key verbs and nouns, followed by a request to not get fired.
Mimosa dick, like his cousin Whiskey dick, is just as ineffective but a lot more fun to be around
Dude, please tell me you know why there's a naked chick asleep outside my room.
I won the 'drunkest person at a family event' award tonight.
I walked out in my coconut bra, and that's when it all went downhill.
It would be magical, all 2 min of it.
I don't think it's ever a good night if I'm this hung over and I didn't even get an orgasm out of the deal...
Woke up from a black out in a strangers Jeep without phone, shoes, or wallet.
Randomize
