Ooooh. That's not a mole. Uncomfortable.
making an appointment with student health services to check out my pinkeye on 4/20. they are going to thing this is such a joke
We went into lab today and when no one was looking i touched our cadaver's penis!
Yeah someone just put a trash bag that says "use protection" on the snow penis
Bring a bathing suit for the glitter slip n slide
Last time I heard from you, you were double fisting strawberry milk and wine. Answer this text so I know you're still alive. Bonus points for a coherent answer.
That was like me applying to a law school drunk at 5 am
Hahaha. That's funny.
But I got an 18k dollar per year scholarship
Def just hooked up with my brother's senior prom date in his bed. Does that make me the worst brother ever?
according to the video, you won you first drunken karaoke contest based off of your actual singing abilities and not because you took your shirt! I've never been prouder :)
It's really funny to see the look on the sales lady's face when she asks why you're replacing a painting. "I knocked it off the wall during sex w/ my heels," wasn't what she expected.
the day has come. I have finally reached the point in my life where I just don't give a fuck about anything anymore. it's beautiful!
almost dropped my phone in the toilet but it somehow bounced off my tit and landed on the floor. Boobs: saving me hundreds of dollars in bar tabs and smartphones since '09
Youre having a picnic
Yeah but all we have is vodka, so it's getting a bit out of hand.
Dude your life.. At your sugar daddies house sending nudes to your fwb
True college students do jello shots in the library
Randomize
