Small dicks are the new regular sized dicks.
new call of duty comes out in november. guess im not passing my finals
shouldve known this week was gonna be bad when I threw up in my coffee mug
Please don't die.. At a gay bar... On a Wednesday. Obituaries are not allowed to be that entertaining.
She fell down the stairs and hit her head on the concrete. Then she stood up, flashed us and stumbled away. I forgot to get her number..
hes wearing the same tie today that i tied him up with last night.i wanna go home
i got us a cheese tray and a bottle of whiskey
ugh yes i love our date nights
Oh yeah forgot to mention that I referred to myself as the oral sex heavyweight champion last night
VODKA 4LOKO BEER NOT IN THE CLEAR
Who was the girl that woke me up at 4am to tell me "there's an emergency, we need you to come smoke weed"
he wears New Balance sneakers on a regular basis, did you really expect the sex to be more than decent?
I've made this amazing blanket/pillow cocoon combo and I am set for life in here.
He called my vagina "the man cave", and I found it charming
The last thing I remember is talking to the firefighter next to me and he was giving me fruit.
Drunk. Come get me. Out front blue shirt.
Where are you? And you borrowed my shirt. I know what you're wearing. How wasted are you?
Hotel
WHICH HOTEL??
Randomize
