Everything went well, until I walked into his bedroom and there was a Ronald Reagan poster watching over his bed - creepy
I just needed to know whether or not to wear panties to work tomorrow.
I found the other part of your tooth if you want to put it under your pillow
I remember coming home with a cat... I havent seen it all day. Shit.
HOW ARE YOU ALWAYS DRUNK? AND WHERE ARE TOU TRYING TO GO??
They invited me day drinking but brought their kids. 3 two year olds and 1 11 month old. I was asked to change a diaper, I laughed and took another drink of this margarita. I LIKE CHANEL AND TEQUILA NOT CHILDREN. Can we make new friends?
I asked the full emergency room who else was there because of homecoming and every single person raised their hand
Soooo we should kick it sometime when it's like light outside. Drink outta cups.. Be bitches. 7, 6, 3, 5.. 4, 2, 1... Sschhkiddaellladiieessscchk
someone just got arrested on campus...
holy fuck look at all that cocaine
I know this is a weird question but we both had pants on when my mom woke us up last night right?
god dammit I AM NO LONGER PUTTING UP WITH YOUR HETEROSEXUALITY I QUIT
Enough talk of my burning loins. How is your day?
I'm wearing a fleece onesie eating pop tarts on the train to work. Killing it.
i black out too much to be "responsible"
I just asked Geoff what he is going to do because Hester left he said he was going to have gay sex with America.
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