I see lights
Your drunk and in times square. Time to take the 2 train home.
Baconater + red wine = first meal of the day
At McDonald's last night the guy gave you the wrong kind of McFlurry, so you screamed at him, "YOU MCFUCKED UP."
Dude, I just cut my asshole on the new toilet paper. If you rationed the grocery money to buy drugs, I better be getting some.
i woke up surrounded by junior mints. not to mention, there was a huge pyramid of natty cans baracading the door shut. this is why i can't drink alone.
why didn't you tell me his penis tasted like oreos?
I promise not to drug you or anything. Please come to my birthday party.
He was trying to hotbox the banana suit. Of course we traded him for vodka.
he just sat there, in the doorway of my dorm room, chuggin a fifth like nobodys buisness.. don't know whether to fuck him or be afraid of his confidence
I don't know if dry shampoo will fix the decisions we made last night.
the fact that you trapped hornets in a mailing tube to put in his mailbox does not surprise me sadly.
11:30 and people are pissing in the sink. It's gonna be a good night.
I had to explain to an ER nurse that I burned my dick playing onion ring toss today, your social awkwardness hardly compares.
That man fucks like a champ. The sex was so good I did him again in the morning just to be sure
I would let him fuck me right here in this laundromat. Praise Satan.
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